he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
