The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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