had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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