I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
