ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
