im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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