i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
