Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
