He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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