I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
