yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
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why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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