every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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