1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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