there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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