where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
