Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
