Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
