Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
