this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
