I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
