I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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