remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
