well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
