Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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