YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
