and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
