He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were trust falling into bushes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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