don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
