So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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