remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
