sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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