Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
