Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm getting married
To pizza
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
