is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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