Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
