we made out on top of his cat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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