His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize