Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
