Come see our sink grown plant.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
