But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
