I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
