yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
only if we run a train.
done.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
