come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
