Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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