I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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