Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
