we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
