what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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