you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
