Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
