dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
