I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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