I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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