The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
