i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
