How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everclear isn't food dammit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
