i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
