Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize