But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And then my night got REAL pukey
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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