At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
