tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So squirting runs in the family.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
