Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
