I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
